Trying, Trying, Trying

The race begins.... It is now the time in the cycle when the race starts to see how many times we can "try" to make a baby. It's getting close to ovulating time, and this is about the time of the month where every waking moment I am surrounded by thoughts of babies and pregnancy, and it doesn't end until my hopes are crushed.

This month I am taking charge. I will no longer be trying to have a baby. This is it! This is the time. I am standing on truth and hope and I am claiming this month success!

Now, this is not to say that if it doesn't happen for us this month that I will give up. But, I'm not going to look at it as a maybe it will happen this time anymore. So,

I hereby proclaim that I will be pregnant! No more periods! Babies are in store. The next post will be a proclamation of victory!

Day 10 of current cycle. Approximately 4 days to ovulation.

Really?!

I think that life is trying to break me. Last night a very good friend of mine called to inform me she is expecting. She is currently about 7 weeks a long. Then, today talking to yet another friend she informed me her sister is pregnant with TWINS!

Now don't get me wrong. I am so extremely excited for my friend to be pregnant. We have both been trying to get pregnant for around the same amount of time, so I am super excited for her. But HELL! When will it be my turn? I want to take this as a sign. Since we were both trying to have a baby at the same time, I MUST be next, right? That seems the logical order of things.

Of course, now D has been switched over to nights again. Which makes trying to make a baby that much more complicated.

I know, I know.....

Woe is me.....

Anyway.....

Day 5 of current cycle. Approximately 9 days to ovulation.

Here's To A New Beginning

Well yesterday began the start of a new cycle. Unfortunately, I started my period. No baby this time. I am getting better at defeat though. I wasn't depressed, other than the norm for when a woman (at least me) starts and has to endure the cramps. I've been under the weather, so that just added to it.

But I feel ok. I've been trying not to think about being pregnant, and what ifs and what not, and I think it's helping. I just feel like it's a new month and a new chance for us to try again.

Ok. A little disappointed, yes. But crawl into a hole and die after having my uterus removed because I'm obviously never going to have children, no.

Day 2 of current cycle. Approximately 14 days to ovulation.

An Interesting Feeling

I have been sick for a week. I am soooo tired of it. On top of that, I'm just plain tired! D has been placed back on the night shift which makes life that much more difficult. I only get to see him for probably 10 hours a week when he's on nights. So life right now is less than perfect.

A colleague of mine told me today that she just found out she is pregnant. She is questioning if she should quit her job. I felt fine giving her advice and listening to her problems. I wasn't jealous, or upset. It was.... interesting.... I suppose I might just be getting used to all the women in my life telling me they are pregnant. But I was totally fine, and still am knowing that yet another person is pregnant before me.

It may also be that I am still hopeful that this time is it. I still haven't had my period yet. I also have yet to have any early pregnancy symptoms. Still trying not to think about it. Still not succeeding in not thinking about it. Still sick. Poo.....

Day 26 of current cycle. Approximately 10 days post ovulation.

Germs:1, Me:0

I have a cold. I've been fighting it off the last few days. I was in denial about it the first two days, but now it is clear by the amount of green goo coming out my nose. I haven't taken anything for 2 reasons:
1. I don't know if I'm pregnant yet, so I don't know what kind of cold medicine I can take without being harmful to a fetus.
2. I want this cold to die the old fashion way; by my immune system.
Being a teacher is hard on your immune system. Because those kids are so germy it means your immune system is working hard constantly to keep you from getting sick. So, I feel that if I can let my immune system kill this thing on it's own, I am sure to have immunity to this bug when it comes around again. Because it WILL come around again.

It's getting closer to either having a period or not, and I'm nervous. No matter how much I try not to think about it and read into things, I can't help it. Last night I had an upset stomach for a while. It came out of no where. I thought,

"Could this be it?"

But it could be anything. It could have been that for dinner all I ate was fruit leathers and crackers. Or that I drank a bunch of cold water before lying down. I managed to talk myself out of it, even if I was pregnant I probably wouldn't be experiencing any nausea this early on. So I went to bed.

Still hoping......

Day 22 of current cycle. Approximately 6 days post ovulation.