Sleeping.... or not....

I realize that I have posted bits on this same subject in the past, but as I have a baby/ toddler (wow that sounds weird) it is an ongoing conversation.

I don't remember learning how to sleep. I must have. I had to learn how to eat, crawl, walk, talk, read, so I must have learned how to sleep. All the books/blogs/articles/well-to-do old ladies, say babies have to learn to sleep. I'm almost certain (though to be fair I've never asked) that my parents used the cry-it-out method on my brother and I. I can feel the judgement of my parents, and others from their generation and older, when I talk about not letting G cry-it-out, or running out of the room when we hear him crying on the monitor.

It is against every fiber in my being to let my baby cry alone, in the dark. I just don't think I could live with myself knowing that my baby cried himself to sleep. He needs to know we are there. If I learned anything from child development it's that the biggest fear of children is abandonment. ABANDONMENT. And you're telling me to let my son scream and cry for his mommy and I SHOULDN'T RESPOND????? No. I.can.not.do.it.

Now, for those who have used the cry-it-out/Ferber method, and it worked for you. Kudos. You are made of steel. And seriously, no judgement here. I believe you have to do what works for you and your family.

But, for me I feel that when my baby cries, I need to respond. I need to instill in him that mommy is here, and will always be here. Ok, I know I'll die one day, but we don't need to look that far in the future.

That said, Gideon is still not sleeping through the night. And yes I am talking about the pediatric "sleeping through the night" of 5 hours. He still wakes, usually several times a night. Several meaning at least 3 times. Often he wants to nurse. I am well aware he doesn't need to nurse especially when he latches on and immediately falls back to sleep. The boy loves a boob. He needs it when I get home from work, when he's hurt, going to sleep, waking up...

Now, he is good about going right back to sleep, but when he's just going to wake up again in 1-2 hours, it's not really something to be happy about. Especially when he wakes up at 4:30 and I get up at 6.

And society is telling me that he should have been sleeping through the night (5 hour blocks) at 3-4 months. Now when people ask (because it's one of those stock questions), "Is he sleeping through the night?" I hide my head in shame and say, "No" and scurry away before the judgement begins.

But then I read this: http://www.girlsgonechild.net/2012/04/liner-whiner-notes-423.html . And even though Rebecca's twins are 6 months old, and Gideon is 11 months old, I somehow find comfort in the fact that there is at least one other mother in the world who struggles with her baby(ies) not conforming to what our perceptions of "healthy" babies are. So thank you Rebecca. As always you bring new light to old conversations. I am truly grateful to know you.

Any advice? Seriously. I'm not interested in letting the boy cry, but I am interested in sleep.

Hopefully before he's one.....

On Walking and "Family Restaurants"

Tonight I broke out the milestone calendar that I have so willingly neglected. My mom, knowing that I am NOT a scrapbooker, bought me a milestone calender when G was born. It's basically a calendar to keep track of all the cool stuff your kid does so you can brag about how smart he is. I am way behind. I mean so far behind that I missed about a dozen things. Things is I don't feel bad about it. I mean really what does it matter to know when your child turned over? Really? When Gideon is applying for college is he going to say "I began crawling when I was 5 months old." No. He isn't. That's if he even chooses to go to college.

I am all about bragging about the brilliance of my son. Believe me. He is my favorite subject. And that's above food. But, seriously, when did it become a competition?

That said, I dusted off the ol' calendar, filled in the *cough* 5 *cough* months I missed and added a new milestone; steps. Gideon took his first steps tonight. Yes you read that right; stepS, with a capital S... at the end... as in plural... as in holy shit did that just happen?!!!! The answer? Yes it did. And I screamed and yelled, and probably scared any other steps right out of his little legs with my excitement/fear.

It seemed surreal (just like every other thing that the kid does). We were sitting around, Gideon was standing at the ottoman, just like always and I reached my arms out to him just to see what would happen. He looked at me, turned toward me, and step, step, step. WHAT?????!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

Let's see if he'll do it again. Step, fall. OH MY GOD HE DID IT AGAIN!!!!!

Then it was turbo time. The hour before bed time when he goes into turbo mode and crawls around like crazy and does.not.stop. No I'm serious. He does not stop until I pick him up and take him to bed.

As a minor note, how can a restaurant be "family friendly" if they don't have a stinking changing table in the bathroom? This isn't just little hole in the wall restaurants either, there are major chains, that carry highchairs and claim to be "family friendly", and yet there is NO F-ing CHANGING TABLE!!! It didn't used to bother me so much. G was small enough to change his diaper in the car, but now that he is 11 months old, he is way to big. I have actually been putting him in the trunk to change him. I mean really, how much do those tables cost that so many restaurants are without them? Really, really?

Enough. I'm rambling. One more month to the big ONE...