The Baby Sleep Conundrum

I'm pretty sure the most common topic on this blog is sleep, or rather the lack there of. When I think about having more children I am quickly reminded of how horrible it is having no sleep for at least a year. Of course in my case it's more like two if you consider before the baby is born, and really Gideon didn't sleep well on his own until about 18 months.

I had hopes, not high ones, but hopes, that perhaps our second child would sleep through the night much sooner than the first. As different as they may be in all other ways, the sleep thing is very similar. Now, Harper is much more easily soothed with a pacifier, which does help. But last night was a cold reality of waking up every hour... EVERY HOUR... to help this baby go back to sleep.

Ok, so it's partly my fault, and I take full responsibility. I do not believe in "crying it out". It's just not a method that I ever saw myself using, and never used with Gideon. When he got older, he definitely spent some crying moments in his bed, though never alone. I know that many parents have used this method and they have wonderfully well adjusted children, but for me and mine, I didn't feel right about leaving my kids to cry alone, in the dark.

When Gideon was a baby, I wasn't around other first time moms so I didn't have anyone going through the same things as I was. Now with Harper, I'm a little seasoned, and I have several other moms around. And what's better, is I am the one with the advice! Ha! It's a little scary, I know. Anyway, even though I am giving the advice at least one of them has an angel sleeping through the night and he's only 3 months old! What the frick?! Son of a..... Like I was saying, some of them however, are going through the wonderful growing pains of newborn-dom. I'm not alone anymore! And in some cases, I'm better off!

I realized that I'm in this funny place with the baby sleep thing. Where I truly believe that a baby needs his mommy, and I want to cuddle, and love on my little one, I do actually like to sleep too. I actually like feeling rested. I used to enjoy sleeping in until 10 on Saturdays. There in lies the problem. This little baby wakes up sporadically every one to three hours. The other night he actually had a five hour stretch and I thought I had died and gone to pre-baby land. I don't want to rush him, and I don't want him to be sad, but holy hell would I like a couple solid hours of sleep!

So, I'm in this weird place because some nights I think dammit baby you are going to sleep in,your bed if it's the last thing I do! And then the next day I think, but he's just a tiny baby, and he is just learning how to be alive in this world.

So tonight I'm in the latter frame of mind, even though he didn't nap well today and thus was ultra cranky leaving me to want to throw a bag of rocks at my own head and die. I will still be understanding that he is used to waking and sleeping whenever he pleases, always being comfortable, and always having everything he wants/needs when he wants/needs it. I mean at almost nine months he has still spent more of his life in the womb than out of it. The marathon continues...

And as I type this he wakes....

Playing Catch Up

I feel like I am perpetually playing catch up with this blog. My last post was months ago, and in baby time that's, well, a lot can happen.

Lucky for you I have a free moment.

We suspected that our second child would not be of the same mellow temperament as our big boy. It seems our suspicions are becoming reality. "The Tank" as we have come to call him is mobile. Extremely mobile. Being that he is now almost 8 months old, I know, he is into EVERYTHING. So, when Gideon was a wee babe he never put anything into his mouth. Occasionally he might pick something up and hand it to us. He also never even tried to open any cupboards. I remember installing those stupid child proof lock things on all the doors and drawers, and putting socket covers on all the outlets, and putting up gates to keep him out of the kitchen.

We then found out what an epic waste of time it was. He never once tried opening a single thing. Tank on the other hand puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, has already tried to open the one cupboard with all the cleaning supplies, showed interest in the power sockets, and sticks his fingers in the cats water bowl about 5 times a day. Give or take.

So, we now have socket covers up, and plans to install a baby gate. We're also making a plan for what is going to happen with our Christmas tree. I have nightmares of Harper pulling the whole thing down on himself, glass bulbs shattering and stabbing him in the eye.

No big deal.

The good news is that now my boys can play together. I mean play is a relative term. It's more like the baby grabbing all of Gideon's toys, Gideon not knowing how to react, and us just laughing in the background.

End of Summer

To commemorate our summer enjoy our story in pictures...

Back to real life...

To Do

Things you can do while nursing your baby:
Read
Eat
Drink-- water
Talk on the phone
Text
Watch TV
Listen to the radio
Talk to someone in the room
Type on a computer
Shop-- multiple times at Target
Help your cousin with her baby registry
And of course get a hole in one miniature golfing, left handed, with a back hand swing.  Aaaah thank you very much.

Let sleeping babies lie???????

In the quest to teach my dear baby how to sleep on his own I have a bit of a conundrum.

I began lying Harper on his back while sleeping per the AAP recommendation. However, he would never fall asleep, he would simply toss and turn. That brings us to the conundrum.

Since the back didn't work, I began lying him on his side. Although I lay him on his side, he inevitably ends up on his tummy 8 out of 10 times, and he sleeps like.... Well, like a baby.

So the main reason for back sleeping is SIDS. I know SIDS is a real concern for every parent, which is why I need mommy advice.

What would you do? Do you let the baby sleep on his tummy? Do you fight the baby and make him sleep on his back? Do you start him on his side/tummy and then flip him once he's asleep?

All advice is welcome.

Summer break

Summertime and the livin is easy.

The Beauty of the Age Gap

I used to think that when I had children I didn't want them to be more than 3 years apart in age. I have one sibling, a brother. We are almost 6 years apart in age. This age gap was, in my humble opinion, a great impact on our relationship growing up.

My brother had almost 6 whole years where he was the sole child in our family. That's a long time in kid years. So naturally he got used to the idea of never having to share anything. So when I came a long, naturally, he was not my biggest fan. Thus began our relationship. I, being the younger sibling, saw my big brother as one to look up to, and always, even into my teens, only wanted to be friends with him. I longed to go to movies, and stay up late talking to him. However, we did not have that kind of relationship until much later in life. And I mean think about it... what does a 12 year old want to talk to a 6 year old about? Or even more so, a 16 year old to a 10 year old.

Now, I'm not saying there aren't other factors into why we didn't get a long, because there were. We saw, and see differently on almost everything. But only recently have I grown to understand my brother, and how he showed/shows his love for me. And so I know we share a bond that can never be broken. We understand each other in a way no one else can.

Gideon and Harper are about 4 years apart. 3 years 11 months. At first I was worried about if this age gap was too much. But the more I see my boys interact, the more confident I am that they are the perfect age difference.

Gideon was able to understand what was going on. He understands that the baby is fragile. He understands that the baby needs "Mommy milk". He loves his baby brother. And I mean LOVES him. He is first to greet him in the morning. He talks to him, plays with him, reassures him when he is crying. I mean the kid even wants to change his diapers!

Not only is he helpful with the baby, but he is independent. He can dress himself, brush his own teeth, use the potty, feed himself. These are all things that a younger child has not yet mastered. If our children were closer in age, I would be dealing with all of that, on top of caring for a new born.

That is why I now see the beauty of the age gap.

Baby love

Sometimes all I can do is listen to him babble.
Now you have to too!

And many more on channel four

Sometimes when you turn four, your mom and dad are tired of throwing parties and decide to take you to Disneyland for a couple of days instead.

Sometimes when you're four you get to ride the big rides.

Sometimes when you're four, your friends from far away come and visit.

And sometimes when you're four, you decide you want your hair cut for the first time ever.

Many, many more my precious big boy.

In celebration of motherhood

I often hear people talk about mother's day and father's day as a time when moms and dads get to have the day off. Sometimes they even get to "escape" from their children for the day.

Since having a child  children, I have felt weird about this train of thought. I totally agree with appreciating our moms on mother's day. I get the idea of giving them gifts, and letting them take it easy. However, I don't think it is a time when moms and dads should walk away  and make the other parent take care of the kids for the day.

The way I see it, I wouldn't be a mom without my kids. They are the reason I get to be celebrated on mother's day. Not only are they the reason, but I chose to have them. It was my decision, and Daniel's, to have kids, so shouldn't I celebrate with them? Shouldn't we all join together and celebrate motherhood?

This is not to say that I didn't love that Daniel took the time to go shopping for a couple of outfits he thought I would like. But, I think it is important to think about your kids on this day too.

So, I am grateful for my boys. Even when my almost 4 year old is throwing a fit and crying about the shirt I want him to wear. Even when my one month old spits up all over my new outfit before we walk out the door.
Even then, I am grateful. I count my children as my greatest blessing. They are a miracle. They belong to the Lord, but I get to raise them, and love them, and call them my own while they dwell on this earth.

I will forever be grateful even when they are little shits, as we all know our children can be. Motherhood should be celebrated. Moms should be celebrated. Children should be celebrated.

So, happy mother's day to all!

Hair is beautiful

I feel safe in saying I'm a bit of a feminist. Let me qualify that by saying that I think modern day feminism is different than what it used to be.

I believe, of course, in women's rights. Women can do whatever they set their mind to. Women should be fairly compensated. Women should be in charge of their bodies. These are all similar to what feminism was when the movement began. I think feminism has changed, or at least been misunderstood in the past.

For a long time I believed that in order to be a strong woman I needed to disregard my feminine side. That in order to show my ability to be strong I should not strive to be pretty. I believed this even through college. It wasn't until much later than my view changed to what it is now.

In my perspective, a strong woman embraces her femininity. She is strong, and powerful. She says what she means unapologetically with confidence. She is able to accomplish anything not despite the fact that she is a woman, but because she is a woman. Women possess the ability to succeed in their lives. She is also beautiful. And she is proud of her beauty. Not to say she is vain. You can be proud of the way you look without being vain. As they say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

This brings me to my point. A good friend of mine shared a story with me yesterday, and it frustrated me so that I had to share. This friend took her 7 year old daughter to see a movie. During the before show bologna there was an advertisement promoting Shick shaving gel. This advertisement stuck with her daughter. It is a group of young "beautiful" women singing about how being hairy is gross. This ad had such an affect on this little girl that she, at the age of 7, felt self conscious of her leg hair.

What right does this company have to affect little children so much? Our society is painting a picture of beauty that has nothing to do with what makes a strong, successful, truly beautiful woman.

A few years ago I decided to stop shaving my legs. And this ad is exactly why. I was so fed up with the expectation of society about what my beauty should be, and I revolted. I went one solid year without shaving. 

I got a lot of looks, and comments from men and women alike about my hairy legs, but I was confident in my appearance despite what society thought of me. Its hard to see in the photo, but that was taken during my year of the hairy leg.

What are we teaching our girls about themselves? What are were teaching our boys about the beauty of a woman?

If you too are disgusted and frustrated by the image of beauty society has chosen for us please join me in refusing to conform and stop shaving your legs. Trust me it isn't as hard or embarrassing as you think it will be. If you are a strong confident woman you are beautiful no matter what clothes you wear, no matter the amount of makeup you wear, and no matter how much hair you have on your body. If you want to join the beauty revolution comment on this post with how long you will go without shaving. Share with your friends. Change the image of beauty.

Stand and revolt! Hair is beautiful!

Second time's a charm... hopefully

Let's take a little trip back in time to when Gideon was just a babe keeping me up at all hours of the night, creating a zombie mom of sorts. We had issues getting Gideon to sleep on his own. You can refresh your memory here and here and here.

I blame myself mostly. Here's why. First, I went back to work when Gideon was just 3 weeks old. So I needed my sleep. Because of this, I did whatever it took to get the kid to sleep. If that meant he needed to sleep with me, so be it. Also, I am not a fan of the cry it out method. It's just not for me. I know it takes a lot longer to "sleep train" your baby without letting him cry it out, but I just couldn't let my  little baby lie there crying for me while I was just in the other room.

So it took a while, and I will admit that he still calls for me on many nights. But, he sleeps on his own, in his own bed, in his own room, with assurance that mommy will always come when he needs her.

That being said, I would gladly take more sleep faster this time around if at all possible. Up to this point, Harper has been sleeping with me. We cuddle, he eats, I change diapers, then we cuddle again. And it seems to be working fine. However, if history tells me anything it's that children get used to things, and old habits die hard. Very hard, creating mommy zombies in their path. So, I have been waiting for week 4 to begin the "sleep training".

Why week 4 you ask? Well let me tell you. I have noticed a difference between my boys. Namely, the need to suck. Gideon didn't really care for it, but Harper seems to really be soothed by the sucking. When you're breastfeeding it is recommended to wait until 4 to 6 weeks to introduce a pacifier. Thus, the 4 week  mark. Every time I would put this child down for a nap he would wake up. Every time. Give him a finger to suck on, and he's out like a light. So I decided not to fight the sleeping with me until the introduction of the pacifier.

Thus begins our sleep story. As I write this Harper is sleeping. In the co-sleeper. By himself. With a pacifier. I know, I know, he's not quite 4 weeks, but the boy is a porker, and has no problem nursing, so I think we're in the clear.

Let's just hope history does not repeat itself.

Happy sleeping!

And then there were four...

It happened. My second boy is finally here. After a lovely 20 hours of labor. Apparently I make a really comfortable womb.

For all of you who told me the second one is easier, to you I say "Ha! A plague o'er your house!" Easier my ass! This labor was way more difficult. Now, the actual delivery was easier, but the labor, oh the labor.

It all began on that wonderful Monday where the doctor shoved her hand up my vag and swept my membranes. Things weren't really happening and I began to think it wasn't going to work this time. Then at about 2 AM I began having contractions. I couldn't go back to sleep and I started timing them. Finally when 3 AM rolled around I woke up Daniel and told him what was going on.

So thinking that once things started rolling it was going to be fast we headed to the hospital. We live about 20 minutes from the hospital, but it could always be longer since we are talking about LA traffic.

When we got there and they checked me, I was only 2 centimeters dilated. They suggested for me to walk for an hour, and then return. During this lovely stroll my contractions got way more intense and became very close together. I thought for sure progress had been made. The doctor checked and I was only 2 1/2 dilated.

This continued forever. My body was not opening up, and this baby was not coming down. On it went for hours, no progress being made. I finally broke.

That's right. I broke. I am not proud to say I lost it. I cried on the walks, and I cried in the shower. The contractions were so intense but nothing was happening. Finally I took some morphine which allowed me to rest and go from 4 to 6 centimeters. Once the drug ran out though I was back to hell. It finally got to be too much and I asked for the epidural. I was sad I had to go there, but by this time I had labored for 19 hours with little sleep, and I saw no end to the tunnel.

Needless to say, things moved quickly after that. And when it was time to push the baby came out in 1 big push, and a couple little ones.

After all that, we have a beautiful baby boy with a personality all his own already. Gideon is his biggest fan, and is so proud to be a big brother.

I feel like our family is now complete. Which is good, because after that labor I sure as hell don't want to push out another.

I can't wait to see my boys grow up together.

I have been swept

Today was my 39 week appointment. I'm actually between 39 and 40 weeks now.

Things seem to be moving in the right direction. It seems like I'm further along with this one than I was at this point with Gideon. In fact I know I am. The doctor asked if I'd like to be checked and I said yes. She also asked if I'd like for her to sweep the membranes to which I said yes.

Now when I had this done with Gideon it took only a few hours for things to start happening. So, I'm hoping this time tomorrow I'll have baby out of my body and ready to meet some peeps. I know I can't count on it completely, but I can sure hope.

I'm just so ready. My cervix is apparently thinning out well and I'm about 1 or 2 centimeters dilated.

Here's hoping things start moving...

Nesting

So at this point in a pregnancy the craziness of hormones generally creates madness in a woman and I am no exception to this rule. However, my form of nesting is a bit different. I don't know why I didn't write about nesting with Gideon, but I went back to check and no such post.

I don't remember anything serious other than sitting on the ground of our one bedroom apartment surrounded by a bunch of crap I insisted needed to be thrown away and when D got home he had no idea what on earth I was doing.

Well this time I decided that our bathtub needed new caulking. Yes, I decided to do this. And I must say I did a damn good job at it! I'm on spring break, so I have plenty of time on my hands, and well when that happens there's just no stopping me.

Also, I saw my doctor on Monday who decided to "check" my progress. In other words she lubed up and shoved half her arm up in my business and groped around to see what she could find. What she found was my baby's head. She said my cervix is very soft and she felt the baby's head. Apparently my little guy didn't like that much because when she was poking around and found his head he made a huge movement. Now when you're this pregnant the movements your baby makes are not always very comfortable so while being fisted, this boy kicked around a bit to show his dissatisfaction with someone poking his head. Let's just say it was not my most comfortable exam to date.

The doctor also said that at our next appointment if I want to have my membranes stripped she could do that. Now if you remember from before I did have this procedure done with Gideon (a few times) and it actually got labor going once my body and the boy was ready. So, I think I will have this ever so comfortable procedure done since I will officially be past my 39th week at my next appointment.

Maybe next post will be our birth story...
Look at me, 2 posts in one week! I must be bored...

Update

So I have no clever title for this because it has been so long since my last post, and much has changed. First of all, the video, as they say, dropped... Sort of. It was apparently "shelved", though we were able to see it for a short bit, it seems to be unavailable now.

Sorry... Life wins again. At least there's this...

In other news, speaking of dropping things, I'm due to drop another baby anytime now. My official due date is April 10th, though if my first baby taught me anything it could be a longer wait. So far everything has been fine except for the increased sciatica issues and extreme fatigue.

It has been really interesting to see how excited Gideon is to be a big brother. He really can't wait. And I mean can't wait. Every morning he asks " Mommy, is Harper out yet?" (Harper being the name we choose for the new one.) Then upon the unfortunate announcement that he has in fact not come out of my body he asks, "Will he come out the next day after this?" To which I reply "God, I hope so."

He's been really good about the whole waiting process, and it seems that the poor baby is going to have three parents rather than two. Gideon seems to think he should be included in all decisions including where the baby will sleep. Much the planner, he has already created an agenda for our family.

In any case, our hope is that his excitement will continue even after the baby is here and requires much of our attention. I have no doubt that there will be a transition period for all of us. Going from one child to two will not be easy. Fitting in time for all of us will be a challenge; one we have talked about intently.

Until then, spring break is upon me and that is a blessing I have been waiting for since January.

Soon to be one more...