*DISCLAIMER: This was written in a fit of insanity. Please do not hate me for what you are about to read. I have nothing but love for all of you, no matter your circumstance!
Do you ever feel like sometimes you are totally lame, and wonder what the f happened to you? Was there never potential for you to be one of the cool kids?
Today, is one of those days for me. It might have something to do with the fact that I just got out of the car with my two children who were both in melt down mode (because those still happen to 5 1/2 year olds), and I've been on Winter Break for 2 1/2 weeks which means I've been stay at home mom.
I pretty much want to dig a big fat hole and fall in it so both my ankles break and there is no one around to rescue me.
Or maybe I want a helicopter to touch down in my front yard and fly me away to Fiji where I can live in the wilderness under some waterfall, and live off the fat of the land.
Let's be serious, what I really want right now is for someone to come and take my children for a day so I can lie on the couch, eating shit I won't let my children eat, and binge watching Pretty Little Liars.
The problem is that I went to school with some pretty frikin awesome people. THEN, I worked at a preschool in West Hollywood where I befriended some parents who are frikin awesome people. I mean seriously, these are people who have travelled the world, created their own theatre company in New York (which has been super successful by the way), write and produce their own movies, write books, are journalists, CEOs, and are just plain bad ass.
Then there's me. I moved back home. I got married. I had two kids. I teach second grade.
The End.
Curtain Call.
Now stop right there. I NEVER said there was anything wrong with what I did with my life. Nor am I trying to demean it in ANY way. I know several stay at home moms, and they are, by the way, totally BAD ASS. I mean they can organize the shit out of a family of four or five, they have side businesses, they have night jobs, they go to night school, they take classes online after the kids have gone to bed, they do the park, market, Target run, play date, phone conference, and all before 12 because Lord knows the kids need to get back home, have lunch, have a nap, and you know the laundry's not gonna do itself! Not to mention they can change a shitty diaper explosion with one wipe! Not one stay at home mom I know, is only watching her kids. They ALL have ANOTHER job!!!
What I mean, is that I was totally not cut out to do this job. I am worn the F*CK out! I mean seriously.
But what else have I done with my life? I do not want to be one of those people who loose their identity because they have kids. My kids are not me. I mean my kids are amazing humans. I cannot brag enough about them. They drive me f-ing nuts, but they're gonna do amazing things. But when people say "tell me about yourself", what do I have to say but I'm married, and I have two kids.
I'm not one of those amazing stay at home moms who's all "Oh, I'm a stay at home mom of 15. I also star in the Emmy Award nominated show, 'I'm so Much Cooler Than You', I run my own business where I create sculptures of people's faces out of recycled baby shoes, I'm the President of the PTA, and also wrote a successful novel called, 'Don't You Wish You Were as Bad Ass as Me'"
Maybe that woman doesn't exist. But I'm certainly not her. Uh, Mayor of Lame City here.
