Again, and Again, and Again

Here I sit. D is playing by the window which is the only comfort I have thanks to an empty womb. Yes, again I started my period. It just so happened to start the day before Mother's Day. I do believe that it is better that I started the day before than the day of, or even worse, the day after. At least my hopes were crushed before I began to wonder if I could be pregnant on Mother's Day.

I'm still hopeful, yet I am still losing my faith in my ability to bear children. I was really emotional yesterday, and had to hold back my tears several times during the day. Seeing all of these women I so admire celebrating the lives of their children, and those people celebrating them for being brave enough to take on the task of raising a human being.

It is a task I so long for.

It seems inevitable that I won't be able to bear my own children. I need to prepare myself for the thought of raising someone else's biological child. Someone else's legacy. Someone else's blood. I've never been opposed to adopting, but I always thought if we adopted a child it would be in addition to having our own children, and not instead of.

And now it seems that might be the case.

I could be reading into it. And I could be jumping to conclusions. But it's been about 8 months and still no baby.

While accidental pregnancies happen all around me, my planned pregnancy seems far out of reach.

Hope is too far to reach at the moment.....

Day 2 if current cycle. Approximately 11 days to ovulation.