A New Approach

So after crying my whole face off two Sundays ago, when I got my period, I am taking a new, simplified approach.

I had a LOT of prayer at church on the 6th. Since I was crying uncontrollably throughout worship, it was clear to the women most near and dear to me, that something was up, and therefore, lots of prayer. Well needed prayer. All these women joined with me in believing that I will have a child. I should say, in this case, believing FOR me. One good friend said she knows with every fiber of her being, I will have a child. And so, I am taking their lead. All of them, all 5 of them, believe, and so I must. I MUST believe in the miracle that I too can bear a beautiful baby.

I have been thinking of having a baby for over a year now, and have been trying for almost a year. I have been tracking my ovulation. I've even used ovulation predictors. I've checked my body, and rechecked my body, for the slightest difference. I've stopped drinking alcohol, caffeine, soy, etc. I've checked my underwear for discharge. I'm done with over analyzing my life.

I don't want to live this way anymore. I want to have a child more than anything. I am longing for that mother-child relationship. I am overjoyed to start a family with the man beyond my dreams. I want to give him/us a legacy. A person who will out live us, and tell their grand children about the people we were when we're gone. I want to give Life.

But

I will not live like this anymore. I will not check my ovulation by calendar, or by checking my underwear, or by peeing on a stick. I will not.

I want to live life with my husband, and try for a baby. I don't want my life to revolve around the pursuit of something that I seemingly have no control. I will continue to pray for the life that I have been promised. I will continue to pursue having a child. I will continue to love my husband, and share intimate moments with him. But my life will no longer revolve around trying to have a baby.

Here's to a new kind of hope.....

Day 8 of current cycle. Approximately...... days to ovulation.